How To Create Small Talk With A Girl

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Sure, you're good at walking across a crowded room and introducing yourself to a girl to get her attention. Whether you're outgoing or shy, you can keep the conversation flowing with a girl once you start it by following some of the steps in this article.

1
Start things off to invite her to talk. Pay attention to the scenario, and mold your invitation to the circumstances. Don't, for example, ask her a random astronomy question when she's shopping for shoes. Here are a different ways to accomplish this:^[1]
- If you want to strike up a conversation with a girl you don't know, try making a recommendation. For example, if you see a beautiful girl at a coffee shop, and she looks undecided about her order, then recommend your favorite drink or tell her that you're going to guess exactly what she wants just by looking at her.^[2]
- When you already know the girl, start with some common ground. If you're in school together, then make a comment about classes or talk about your extra curricular activities. If you're working together, then start a chat about some workplace news, or ask for her help with something that you're working on.
- Ask her for a minor favor. For example, ask her to watch your stuff (like your phone) while you go get her something to drink. Girls will feel more interested in you if they've done a favor for you. It will also make them feel trustworthy and maybe even curious.^[3]
- Pay her a compliment. If she looks great that day or if she said something amazing during class, then tell her so. Compliment her hair, or her smile, or her dress. Stay away from her more feminine features. Make sure your compliment is genuine and not phony.
2
Ask her some questions. You want to show her that you're interested in her while at the same time deciding whether she's really worth your interest. A great question will make her think, laugh, and like you, all at the same time.^[4]
- Avoid "yes" and "no" questions. A question like, "Did you like the new movie that came out this weekend?" will get you either a "yes" or a "no" but may not launch a meaningful conversation. Instead, ask her what other movies she's seen and why she likes them. This type of question will get a much longer answer from her.
- Girls often like guys to make the first move. Instead of waiting for her to ask you questions, be proactive and do the asking first. Once she's answered your question, nod and then provide your own perspective. You want a balanced conversation in which you find out what she's all about while also sharing parts of yourself.
- Find out what she's passionate about. If you like this girl, then chances are you find something about her really fascinating. Ask her why she likes what she likes, or why she thinks what she thinks. Ask her something that you genuinely want to learn more about instead of asking questions just to get her to talk. If you're insincere, she'll know, and your conversation will be dead in the water.
  - People love to talk about themselves. If you find out what she's passionate about, the conversation will go naturally and easily. This is the easiest way to build a connection.
3
Make yourself look good throughout the conversation. You want to find out as much as you can about her, but you also want to make sure that you show yourself at your best.
- Talk about a subject that makes you feel passionate and persuasive. When you're talking about something really positive, you're going to be at your best. If you're passionate about music, then talk about your favorite bands. If you have something that you love to do, then talk about it with her.
- Make sure that you give her equal time. You definitely want to share something about yourself, but if you only talk about you, she's going to think you're self-centered, and she's not going to talk to you.
- Don't offer opinions about subjects you know nothing about. Your goal is to impress the girl with your wit, your conversation, and your intelligence. If you blather about something you're opinionated but uninformed about, you won't come off as very intelligent.
4
Accept pauses. You're not going to be able to think of something to say at every point during the conversation, and that's completely okay. Pauses are a natural part of conversation. Get her comfortable with the idea of pauses by using pauses or deliberations sparingly in your own speech.^[5]
- Smile at her, take a sip from your drink or look around the room until you come up with something new to say. As long as you seem confident and interested, she'll wait with a lot of anticipation for the next step in the conversation. If you look nervous or stare at your feet, then she'll feel uncomfortable, and she's likely to say "see you later."
- Use pauses throughout the conversation. When you pause, look as though you are carefully considering what you want to say. She'll be invested in trying to find out what you're going to say next, and she may feel compelled to fill the silence with her own conversation.
- People's rate of speech naturally synchronizes when they're talking. That means that people unconsciously mimic how quickly the other person is talking. So if you talk slowly, she'll talk slowly, and the conversation will last longer. The secret to talking slowly is being confident, not nervous.
- Think of the pauses as her chance to impress you. Don't feel like you need to generate topic after topic for conversation. During the pause, you want to silently invite her to take the initiative. If she does, then you'll know that she's enjoying talking to you.
5
Keep the conversation light. Don't delve into any controversial subjects or anything that she may find uncomfortable. Also, don't gossip about other people, because she may think that you're not genuinely nice.^[6]
- Use your sense of humor. Don't dive in with a really off-color joke or something that could be shocking to her. Keep it light and test the waters before you say anything that she might think is mean or offensive.
- Practice funny stories. More than simply jokes, people love hearing stories about funny things that happened to you. So keep track of funny or entertaining things that happened to you and rehearse the story you want to tell with friends.
- Know your pop culture. Keep up on the latest celebrity news and what's new in movies and music. When you know what's going on out there, you'll always have something light to talk about. Plus, you might just impress her with the number of things that you know.
6
Focus on body language. For yourself, use great eye contact, sit up straight and smile warmly.^[7] When you do these things, she'll feel as though you're focused on her.^[8]
- Watch the way she uses her body. If she makes eye contact with you, lightly touches your arm or leans in toward you while you're talking, then you can feel confident that she's into you.
- Make sure you're projecting good body language, too. Don't cross your arms, tap your feet, sigh or groan audibly. All these tics are signs that you're bored or dissatisfied with her.
- If she's constantly looking away, fiddling with her drink or her jewelry or looking like she can't wait to escape, then you may be losing her interest. You can try saying something like, "Are you having a bad day? You look like you're a million miles away." Or, if the conversation hasn't been all that interesting to begin with, just politely say, "Nice talking to you" and walk away.
7
Keep the attention always on her. Let her know that you think she's important. Don't be cagey about turning the spotlight on you. Instead, focus it mainly on her.
- Turn off your cell phone while you're having a conversation with a girl. If you go outside to take a call, you may come back and find that she's moved on.
- If you run into friends, introduce your friends to her but remain focused on your conversation. Try to send nonverbal signals to your friends letting them know that they need to talk to you another time.
8
End on a good note if she tells you that she has to leave. Tell her that you enjoyed talking to her and getting to know her. If you felt a real connection to her, ask for her phone number. The next morning, send her a text saying that you had a great time, and wish her a good day. You might get a second chance at continuing that initial conversation if she texts you back.
- A good rule of thumb is to wait a least a day before you call her, especially if you approached her as a stranger. You don't want her to think you're too forward, and you don't want to appear too needy, so it is best to delay for a day.
- When you call her, keep things short and sweet. Unless she's really enjoying the conversation, simply ask her if she'd want to see a movie or go out for coffee and leave it at that. You want to impress her in person, where you can do better damage-control if something goes wrong.
- Keep it low key until you know that she really likes you. She may feel a bit weird if you're pushing really hard and she's not, so try to get a good balance going. And at all times, keep the conversation flowing.

Sample Conversation Topics

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Question

What is a good conversation starter?

Eddy Baller is a Dating Coach based in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. Coaching since 2011, Eddy specializes in confidence building, advanced social skills and relationships. He runs his own dating consulting and coaching service named Conquer and Win, the only BBB accredited dating coaching business in Vancouver. Conquer and Win helps men worldwide have the love lives they deserve. His work has been featured in The Art of Manliness, LifeHack, and POF among others.

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Expert Answer

Mention something in their immediate surroundings. For example, if you're at a grocery store and someone is looking at the shelves, ask them if they have recommendations or tell them about your favorite brand.
Question

I can't afford coffee, so what should I offer instead?

It's not what you can afford -- it's what company you have to offer. Invite the girl out on a walk, or do something that doesn't necessarily have a budget attached to it. This may be refreshing for both you and her.
Question

She says she love me, but when I try to hold her hand she pulls away, and when I try to kiss her she smile, laughs and pulls away.

She's probably playing hard to get, especially if she's laughing about it. If she turns serious, and tells you "no," "stop," etc., definitely stop whatever you're doing. But it sounds like she's just shy and teasing you a little. Take things slow, but keep trying.
Question

How to keep a conversation flowing if the girl is really shy?

Take the pressure off her to carry the conversation by sharing a lot about yourself and just occasionally asking questions to keep her engaged. It will take time for a shy girl to open up, so be prepared to be patient and put in a lot of work initially.
Question

What if the girl is not interested in me?

Then be polite and friendly anyway, because she is a human being with value. But don't feel the need to drag the conversation out or go into much depth. You want to invest yourself in conversations with people where the interest is mutual.
Question

What if she doesn't like to talk to me before I start a conversation?

You will never know until you try, so give it a try and see what happens.
Question

How do I know she loves me? We are friends, but she keeps on telling her other girlfriends and people around that I am the most important person to her.

Not sure what more you need to infer. You could always just ask her at the appropriate time, like after a good dinner together, or after a movie together.
Question

What should I do if I ask for her number and she says no?

You need to respect a woman's decision when she says no to you and stop asking. However, you could stay friends with her and try to get to a point where she feels more comfortable with you. At that point, you could ask for her number again. If she says no again though, then it's probably best to just give up.
Question

What if you run out of things to say to a girl?

Since most people find it easy to talk about themselves, ask her questions she can't respond with a simple 'yes' or 'no.' Remember, if you feel like you run out of things to say, if the girl really likes you, she will appreciate what you have to say, no matter what.
Question

I told my friend about my crush and it got around to her. This might make our conversation awkward. How can I talk to her to get to know her better?

Just treat her like you would any other friend, someone you want to get to know better. Say "Hi," ask her how her day is, how school is going, what she's doing after school, etc. Just keep the conversation on a friendship level for now and then see where it goes.

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Expect butterflies to go away with practice. You'll always feel a little nervous when you try to carry on a conversation with a girl, but you'll feel more confident if you keep initiating more conversations with a variety of girls. At any rate, the more conversations you start, the greater your odds of meeting a terrific girl.
Remember that talking to girls is a no risk, no reward activity. If you don't take a chance and pursue a conversation, you'll never know what you might have missed. If the conversation goes well, you could make a close and lasting connection.
If you're from another country or culture than the girl of your interest, talk about your race / ethnicity / culture or introduce her to a new language. So for example if you are Asian, and you're trying to talk to a girl who is American, introduce her to an Asian language or talk about how your culture is different. (Careful with this tactic though — your own culture can be a great conversation starter, especially if it's different / interesting to her, but the best conversation tends to be cross-cultural, and you don't want to make yourself look "exotic" or "foreign".)
Remember not to gossip or talk bad of someone else, but only focus on her. Gossip can make you look feminine. If somehow she starts gossiping, then you're possibly heading towards the 'Friend Zone'. Possibly. Not surely.
If you're interested in having a relationship or whatever with this girl, then it could be a good tactic to ask about her ex. This doesn't only provide you with a long-lasting conversation topic, but it also gives you information on what went wrong in the last relationship she had and what to avoid doing. Be careful though, if her breakup is fairly recent it might be a touchy subject and might make her uncomfortable. This tactic only works in some scenarios.

Keep some gum or breath mints handy. That way, you can feel confident that your breath is fresh while you're talking to her.
As for her skirt, no need to discuss it. If it's too short, don't let her catch you looking under the table. This is an official end to a conversation.

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To keep a conversation flowing with a girl, ask her open-ended questions like "What did you like about the movie?" or "Why do you love animals?" Avoid yes-no questions since you might only get a short one-word response. If the conversation starts to stall, tell her a funny or entertaining story about yourself. You can also bring up a recent movie you've seen or a new song that you like. If you can't think of anything else to talk about, bring up a topic that you're passionate about since you'll have lots of things to say. For tips on how to have open body language or end the conversation, keep reading!

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